Smart mind

My 3-year old misbehaved one time while we were getting ready to pick up my 6-year old from kindergarten. He won't put on his socks. He won't put on his shoes.

So I did what any sane parent will do in similar situations. I threatened him.

"If you don't put on your socks and shoes right now I will leave without you," I said with a firm voice.

My 3-year old looked at me. I looked at him.

"But Daddy," my 3-year old said. "You can't leave without me."

"Why not?" I asked, almost in a scream.

My 3-year old pointed at me and said, "Because you need me to go to the HOV lane. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in traffic."

Smarty-pants.

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The boss

I teach my 6-year old and 3-year old to call me The Boss—and they do. It makes me feel powerful, makes me feel in charge. 

At least until one afternoon.

I told my kids to clean up the playroom, putting my 6-year old in charge. 

"You're the boss," I told him.

A minute goes by. Then another.

"I'll do most of the cleaning," I overheard my 6-year old tell my 3-year old. "You only need to do little ones."

"Why?" my 3-year old asked.

"Because I'm the boss," my 6-year old said. "The boss does most of the cleaning."

Hmp.

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Anniversary

My wife and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows—or, at least we pretended to.

My 6-year old, wearing his morning robe, acted as the officiating minister. My 3-year old, holding two strips of paper rolled into rings and bonded with packaging tape, acted as the ring bearer. My wife ... well, she had no idea what was about to happen.

This is how it went:

[My 6-year old and 3-year old hum the wedding song while my wife and I walk the red carpet, which in our case is the red Dr. Seuss comforter.]

My 6-year old: "We are gathered today to marry Mommy and Daddy—again." 

[My wife, as far as I can tell, is giddy.]

My 6-year old: "Daddy, do you take Mommy to be your wife?"

Me: "I do."

My 6-year old: "Mommy, do you take Daddy to be your husband?"

My wife: "I do."

My 6-year old: "Ring-bearer, give the rings to Daddy and Mommy."

[My 3-year old throws the rings to us.]

My 6-year old: "You are now husband and wife. You may now have sex."

FYI: I once asked my 6-year old if he knows what sex means. He says sex means falling in love. 

Update: It's the 40th day of my Writing A Book In 40 Days. I think I did it—at least the initial draft. I'm satisfied. Now I'm giving myself another 40 days, at the most, to edit and publish the book. Hopefully, I'd be ahead of schedule to have the book ready before Father's Day.

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Chocolates

Chocolates do not agree with my 3-year old. It upsets his tummy.

"Mommy," I overheard my 3-year old ask my wife one night. "Could I have chocolate?"

"Are you sure?" my wife asked. She explained how chocolates upset his tummy, how he has to go to the potty ten or 15 minutes afterwards each time.

My 3-year old thought for a second.

"I'm sure," he said. "I will live with it."

Two updates: 

100 Portrait Ideas. I've redesigned my photo blog—again. Please visit at mikeleonen.com

Writing A Book In 40 Days. Except for updating my blog and Twitter, I'm where I want to be, surprisingly. One thing I've learned about updating my blog and Twitter and writing a book in 40 days: they don't go together. I'll post more sketches this week.

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Writing a book

I am writing a book in 40 days. Yesterday's the 5th day. Here are three things I've learned (so far)—with apologies to those who made similar quotes famous:

• The writing journey of a thousand pages starts with asking yourself, "Why didn't I just become a lawyer or a doctor?"

• You see things as they are and ask, "Why?" I dream of things as they never were and ask, "Am I schizophrenic?"

• I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. (Ok. That's my 3-year old explaining why boogers are being flicked around the bedroom.) 

I've posted some sketches that may or may not be used in the book I am writing. Click here. Please let me know if you have a favorite sketch or two—or three, preferably three.

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Feeling lucky

Ever felt lucky before? I have—recently.

I went to a store, looked around, found an attendant and asked: "Do you have clits?"

The attendant looked at me and smiled.

"Clits?" the attendant asked.

"Yes," I said. "I'd like to see some clits."

So the attendant beckoned me to the back of the store and showed me some.

No, it's not what you think. The attendant's a male and I was shopping for soccer shoes.

And, yes, I know. The correct spelling is cleats.

Day 1 of Writing A Book In 40 Days: Sketched possible artwork. Will post some sketches on Tuesday.

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40

I turn 40 Saturday, April 11. On that day, I start what I have long wanted to do for ... well, close to 40 years now. I'm going to write a book, a simple book.

And I'll start and finish it in 40 days.

Some thoughts—

• My mind right now is full of ideas of how to cheat myself out of the 40 days. I have until Saturday to clear my mind of these ideas.

• My book will contain original artwork and words. Besides that, I have no idea what the book will be about. I'll just make it up as each day goes by.

• I have the full support of my wife, my 6-year old and 3-year old. In fact, when I told them about my plan, my 6-year old and 3-year old asked: "Will it be about boogers?"

Wish me luck and please follow my progress—or lack of it—through my Tuesday and Thursday blog posts and Twitter.

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Three things I've learned (so far) about cleaning

Spring is coming—hopefully. So is Spring cleaning. Here are three things I've learned (so far) about cleaning:

• The dustiest thing in the house is the vacuum cleaner.

• A high-tech gadget that promises to make cleaning easier and faster—like the iRobot Roomba—is no solution to a lazy soul. You still need to sweat it while picking up toys from the carpet.

• Keeping the house dirty once (or even twice) in awhile is OK. This way, after you clean, your spouse would truly appreciate you. It's not cleaning if nobody notices, right?

How about you? What have you learned about cleaning?

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Blog party

Hello There. Illustration by Mike F Leonen. ©2009 mike f leonen. All rights reserved. No use, copy or distribution without prior permission.

Hello there to visitors from 5 Minutes For Mom. Three things about me:

• I'm a stay-at-home Dad to a 6-year old and 3-year old. They keep telling me: "Daddy, I don't like you. I love you." 

• I have a loving wife (and I love her with all my heart). She bought me a golf set as a birthday gift—and it's still a month away from my birthday.

• I use conditioner after I shampoo. The thing is, I'm bald.

Leave a comment so I could visit your site, too. And do remember to visit my photo blog at mikeleonen.com and my Tweeter. 

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Milestones

Do you remember those What To Expect books—What to Expect When You're Expecting, What to Expect the First Year, What to Expect the Toddler Years—and the milestones in child development it list down? If I had the chance, I'd edit those milestones and come out with my own.

Here are three of the many milestones I'd put in:

• Shopping Milestone: The time when your kid is old enough so you could stop shopping at Babies 'R Us. 
• Health milestone: The time when your kid is old enough to drink cold and cough medicines, instead of just being limited to Infants' Tylenol. 
• Talking Milestone: The time when Da-da and Ma-ma are replaced with, "Daddy, I'm done. You can wash my butt now."     

How about you? What milestones would you add?

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